Grief at the death of colleagues is nothing to be ashamed of

Lovely piece and so true. Very sorry for your loss, you were so lucky to have such a supportive examiner and mentor. They do leave a huge hole in both academic and personal life and sense of self. A lovely tribute to him.

So sorry for your loss... and no, there's nothing odd about grieving deeply for someone who has played a major part in your life, even if they were neither a close friend nor a relative. There's certainly no reason to be ashamed of feeling that way about someone's passing away. It can be a fitting tribute to their contributions during life.

Although I’m not an academic, I’m very involved in my local university. A colleague of mine died suddenly. He was such a key part of the organisation and nearly 3 years on, I still find notes from our conversations in the margins of meetings, emails and so on. What you’ve described from your viva is a mutual respect and genuine interest in your future as an academic and your potential to add to the field of knowledge. Thank you for writing this, you’re right that it isn’t discussed and you’ve now prompted me to find the right way to remember and celebrate my late colleague.

Very nice!

Thank you all for your kind words.