‘Usualising’ transgendered people can help break down stereotypes

Are not gay men (like myself) who have no sexual interest in women 'intersex'? We are truly between both male and female, forming a gender group that is unique.

A trans person to a human population is what a Great Depression is to a financial market – a highly improbable phenomenon, that Naseem Taleb called a Black Swan. Luckily, in the 21st century we have learned not to turn a Black Swan into a Black Sheep, but to usualize it will take more than a bit of sophistry, such as calling heterosexual norms “stereotypes”. The author writes that “no one chooses to be trans” implying that it is a condition akin to a disability or disorder that one has to simply deal with; yet, on the other hand, she also asks us to accept their “coming out”, implying that it is albeit difficult, but deliberate decision, a rebellion against those stereotypical norms. She also hopes that she will be welcomed as a fully-fledged member of (overwhelmingly) heterosexual society. So before we do that, let’s ask what exactly are we supposed to usualize – a condition that haunts her, or a rebellion that she chooses? Unfortunately, neither of these two are typically referred to as something “usual” – conditions are usually treated, whereas rebellions, well, are usually crushed, otherwise they won’t be called that. So I am guessing the author asks for sympathy, as she will neither be treated nor defeated, so to speak. And she certainly has my sympathy – it must be hard to be stuck between the desire to wallow in a condition or to revel in a rebellion. But we, the stereotypical ones, must ask the hard questions. If it is a condition, then can we know more about it from clinical studies? And if it is a rebellion then against what? My theory is that in older men like her, nearly 60 years old, transition is a response to an emotional trauma which must be so painful that one would rather change gender to escape the self than deal with it in a meaningful psychological and spiritual way. It must be cathartic to say “I am not that person anymore!” and close the door on all that. Hence the feeling of being both crippled in some way (“No one chooses to be me”) and staging a rebellion (“Coming out against your stereotypes”). But yet, herein lies the very modern problem – by choosing the escape route and rejecting a path of spiritual renewal to lead authentic, albeit painful life, we are asking others to pay the price. What are the loved ones to make of it – a father who became a mother, a boyfriend who became a girlfriend, a husband, who became a wife, a teacher who is now a different person? Taleb calls it “no skin in the game” phenomenon, where the burden of the problem created by me alone is nonetheless born entirely by others. Like I said, being a Black Swan is not the same as being a Black Sheep, but the least we can ask of her is to recognize who pays the price.